I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
be right there i have to get my cape
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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