some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
