Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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