Kiss
Puke
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
