porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
