I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
