glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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