I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
