don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I want is dick and wine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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