Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
