I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Randomize
