hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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