I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this boner is exhausting
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
