If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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