So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
