i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
