i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
