I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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