i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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