yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
