hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
