you traded sex for a burrito?
is wine microwaveable?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
