If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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