that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
