how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
