I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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