Barsexuality is the new black.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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