The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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