if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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