I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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