If that was your dad, he is hot
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
