Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
