Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
