I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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