Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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