my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
