I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
