I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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