after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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