ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm really busy with my period
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