My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
