Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
