need another drink. this is the easiest way
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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