Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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