i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
