I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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