I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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