Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
