everyone is single if you try hard enough
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
and you fell through a lawn chair
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
