I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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