Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
