Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
