I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
