If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
